Letters to Zabini
by silverwisps
Summary: Weird people, weird fanletters...this is a rather weird, random, amd hyper fic. : Be warned, some content not suitable for people who cannot take in large doses of craziness without passing out. : Rated T just in caseee. Please R&R! Remember, my first tim


**Letters to Zabini**

_Summary: From Zabini's adoring (or sometimes not so adoring) and curious "fans"...Read at your own risk. Contains demented llamas, bananas in the sky, and Boston cream pies._

_DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter, and all characters from Harry Potter books are the property of J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., Bloomsbury books, yadda yadda oh I don't know I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (other than the letters.)_

_A/N: Muahaha, my first fanfic! I decided to start with a one-shot with some humor. Be warned, some stuff may be rather, er, gross. Anywhoozumbles, I hope you like it. Constructive critism is welcomed. Enjoy!_

* * *

Dear Zabini, 

Are you a girl or a boy? All these fanfics are messing up my brain.

-- Confuzzled

Dear Confuzzled,

Right now I am highly offended. DOY I'mabloody BOY. I don't care if my name sounds like a girl's, blame it on my freakin mom.

-- Blaise

Dear Blaise,

Are you Greek, Italian, or African American (British)?

-- Wondering

Dear Wondering,

I'm none of the above. I'm an alien from outer space here to take over the world and steal all your pizzas. I have arrived with an army of demented llamas, so BACK OFF. Muahaha! _(A/N: If you've read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Blaise is described as a MALE African American- Er, British?)_

-- Blaise

O Great Hawt One,

My name's Gary. Will you meet me at Hogsmeade to have a romantic dinner at the Three Broomsticks?

-- In Lurrrrve

Dear Perverted one,

Please tell me you are joking. By the way, Three Broomsticks is a freakinbar for the love of God. Pssssh.

-- Blaise

To Mr. Blaise Zabini:

You have been cordially invited to the convention of Strike Against Bananas in the Sky (S.A.B.S.). Please come to 64 Boston Cream Pie Ave. Badger Badger, Badger, 00000 by 3:50 PM. We advise you bring a banana smasher and some ketchup. Thank you! (RSVP: Infinite)

-- Jung Kee, President of S.A.B.S.

To Jung Kee,

What did I eat last night? I had a dream that I got a letter from someone that...that...errrgh I need coffee...One ice caramel macchiato to go, please!

-- Blaise

Dear Blaise,

Will you ever hook up with Ginny Weasly?

-- Someone-who-reads-too-much-fanfic

Dear Someone,

Spits out coffee from shock WHAT! starts choking and cannot finish the reply

-- B-Blaise

Zabini Zabini-

Wouldja like a panini?

-- Weird witch

Weird Witch Weird Witch-

No I want a sandwich! (Great,now I'm actually stooping down to your pitiful level by playing the stupid game. Fan mail does something to you, I swear.)

-- Blaise

Blaise,

Can I have my pink floral teapot back? Pwetty pweeze? With cherries on top? I need it for my tea party with Crabbe and Goyle on Saturday...

-- Lots of love, Draco Malfoy.

Draco.

No you can't have it back, not after you gave Pansy a concussion because she called you a sissy (which you are). And quit trying to hit on me; you father obsessing over Professor Snape is bad enough!

-- No love at all, Blaise

To the sarcastic, sneering, arrogant prat:

I hate you. I hate you I hate you _I hate you_! Die die die! Why must you contaminate the halls of Hogwarts with your filthy slimy snake!

-- Die You Idiot

To Die,

Awww, I love you too. So nice to hear that someone loves me! I'll be sure to send you lots of chocolate on V-day. snorts at own sarcasm

-- Blaise

Blaise Zabini--

If you don't kill that stupid little git Harry Potter this INSTANT I will hit you with my bag! And it's not _just_ a bag, it's _Prada_.

-- Voldy-poopiku- Er, Lord Voldermort, The Dark Lord, the One Who All Men Fear! NYA NYA!

Lord Voldermort,

blinks Whaaaaa?

-- Blaise

* * *

_A/N: Ok, ok. Short and erm...crappy. Hey, this is my first try and erm I just did this as a whim:D Please review muah_

_Oh yeah, the line_ "it's not _just_ a bag, it's _Prada_." _is from White Chicks._ _Not mine, I cry! (And maybe I got the line a bit wrong...who cares.)_


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